Deep Brain Learning

Posted on by Cjc

I’m in Chicago this week at the Dept of Defense/USDA Family Resilience Conference.  1,900 people here!  Amazing conference…in a really extraordinary city (I love Chicago!).

I think I’ve attended this conference for 8 years now…and each year I bring home great ideas for our state 4-H program, but I also bring home a little something that impacts my own parenting.  I think the take home this year will come from our morning keynote from Dr. Larry Brendtro.  Dr. Bentro is the Dean at the Starr Institute for training and the founder the Circle of Courage.  He is a liscensed psychologist and has taught at a number of universities.

Here is the gist of what he shared:  A nurturing mother mouse raises nurturing children.  There really is research on this…and visuals that will remain vividly in my mind.   The connecting research, of course, is that nurturing communities/families raise nurturing youth. 

 He provided all sorts of great stories and research nuggets, including the following – here is my shorthand version….

  • The antidote to all sorts of bad things is trust. 
  •  Traumatic relationships impair ones abilities to manage emotions. 
  • Cross age interaction is very positive — many cultures expect this, use it wisely. 
  • Teach rituals of respect (by respecting). 
  • Provide opportuntiies to contribute to community. 
  • Resilient children had at least one person in their lives who accept them unconditionally regardless of their behavior (Amen!). 
  • Our job is to teach hope and joy.  
  • Teens are risk takers because they can’t (literally brains won’t allow them to) make good quick decisions. 
  • Brain pathways continue to grow through our lives…but well used pathways with repititious experiences/responses turn into highways…yup they can be changed.
  • No matter what the outside of the child (dirty, bad behavior)…there is something really beautiful inside.  It may take time to build trust and a relationship…but invite yourself in, make eye contact…
  • Forgive!  Great power in forgiveness.

He may just have changed the way that I approach my own children.  Don’t get me wrong – I love them, and show my love…but I react more often than I should to their attitudes, instead of consistently giving them caring back.  So when my teens tell me to back off (in not so many words…most of the time) – I may just snap at them to let them know that is not appropriate behavior…begetting more teen resistance right back.  What would it hurt to nurture back unconditionally?  And expecting that they help each other (and modelling that myself), spending time with loving family and neighbors…that really isn’t just nice – it is necessary to their good development and to our family health.

Dr. Brendtro has written many books – his most recent Deep Brain Learning:  Pathways to Potential for Challenging Youth.  I think I just found my next read.